PS 635 
.29 
W783 
Copy 1 



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A 

SUFFRAGE 

RUMMAGE 

SALE 



Five cents a copy 
Six cents postpaid 



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Dramatic representations of "A Suffrage 
Rummage Sale" cannot be given without 
the permission of the author, Miss Mary 
Winsor, Haverford P. O., Pa. $1.00 fee is 
charged for one production (including four 
printed copies of "A Suffrage Rummage 
Sale," and one typewritten copy of "The 
Auctioneer's Speech.)" The former may 
be kept but The Auctioneer's Speech must 
be returned to Miss Winsor after the 
performance. 



©CI,D 32276 



TWP*52 



-007659 






A Suffrage Rummage Sale 



To BE Sold at Public Auction : 

A choice lot of prejudices, superstitions, 
fallen idols, curios, second hand costumes, 
worn-out ideals, cast-off toys, antique furni- 
ture and Anti-quated notions. 

Articles to be auctioned : 

An image of Buddha, a Turkish flag, a 
pair of Chinese shoes or an Oriental veil, a 
screen, a spinning wheel, home-made pre- 
serves or fancy work, a set of china, a suit of 
armor, a shillalah or big stick, and a vacuum 
cleaner. 



PREFACE 

Some Practical Suggestions 

All the articles sold at the auction should be 
donated. Business firms and department stores are 
generally willing to donate if promised that their 
names will appear on the Program as having contrib- 
uted the goods. As the public may not realize that 
this is to be a bona-fide auction, it is wise to enclose 
in each invitation the Program with a list of the 
articles for sale. At the time of the auction the 
articles to be sold should be put on exhibition in a 
conspicuous part of the theatre and the aids or ushers 
be instructed to exhibit the articles. When the sale 
is about to begin, they should be arranged on the 
stage in the proper sequence for the auctioneer to take 
them up in order. As each is sold it should be 
handed over the footlights by the auctioneer so as to 
leave the stage clear for the entrance of Mrs. Grundy, 
etc, A certain article should be agreed upon as Mrs. 
Grundy's cue, and she should enter after that article 
has been auctioned off. 



THE AUCTION INTERRUPTED 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE: (In the order of their 
appearance.) 

The Auctioneer 
Mrs. Grundy 
Mrs. Partington 
The Mad Hatter 



SCENE. 
{There is a small table in the centime of the stage. 
One chair to left of stage — one to right, but iione ?iear the 
table. The Auctio7ieer is finishing the last sale.) 

Enter Mrs. Grundy {Right) 

{She is a small, ''weli-preserved''' woman, with ringlets 
and rosy cheeks, rather tightly laced, wears a gaily colored 
poke bonnet with a wreath of roses under the brim, crinoline, 
lace shawl, white stockings with black slippers, lace mitts, and 
with fan dangling from her waist. Her manner is mincing, 
honeyed, patronizing , very determined and dictatorial, occa- 
sionally spiteful. She is quite aware of her own importance. ) 

Mrs. Grundy. — {Right Ce7itre.) I am here to 
register a protest against the modern point of view. 
It is an outrageous assault on womanhood. Let those 
of us who belong to the privileged classes be content 
with our privileges and not join in this vulgar clamor 

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for "rights." We must never forget that 7na7i is man 
and woman is ivoman. Ah! let us leave woman where 
Heaven has placed her — on a pedestal! Don't let us 
drag her down into the mire. I am scandalized at the 
indecorum of the present day, — especially the bold 
young girls of the present day, who demand a college 
education just as if they were men, and some of them 
actually want to earn their living in horrid masculine 
ways — typewriters, or doctors, or lawyers, or farmers, 
or gardeners. Why, in my time, if a girl did not 
marry she was quite content to stay at home and do a 
little sewing in a state of genteel starvation. That 
was the proper thing for a well-bred woman. 

Auctioneer : Is this Mrs. Grundy ? 
{^Mrs. Grundy curtsies?) 

Auctioneer : {^Advance?) {To the Audie^ice .) 
Ladies and gentleman, this is the celebrated Mrs. 
Grundy — the arbiter of fashion — the mould of form — 
the guardian of propriety. {Crosses to Airs. G., lays 
a hand on her arm confidingly) Mrs. Grundy, are you 
a Suffragist? 

Mrs. Grundy: I — a Suffragist? {Auctioneer 
quickly retreats.) Oh, no indeed. How could I be 
anything so promiscuous ? Why if I could vote, my 
cook could vote, and I might meet my cook at the 
polls. How vulgar! Suffragist? No, no! 

Auctioneer : Then may I ask what are you 
doing here? 

Mrs. Grundy : I have come here to protest 
against the brazen woman who makes herself conspic- 
uous on a public platform. May I have the doubtful 
pleasure of saying a few words of rebuke to the un- 
manly men and unwomanly women whom I see 
before me? 

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Auctioneer : Certainly, our platform is always 
open to Anti-suffragists, for we believe in free speech. 

{Back centre.) 

Mrs. Grundy : {Advancing to the front of the 
platform centre, looking penetratingly at the audience 
with a winning smile.) Do you ladies really think 
you need the vote ? Look at me. I have never had 
the vote, and yet I ask you, doesn't Mrs. Grundy rule 
the world? I am sure there are a great many persons 
who would like to come out openly for woman suf- 
frage, but they don't dare! Why? They are afraid 
of me. I am proud to think that my influence is 
keeping millions of women in their proper sphere. 

{Back to left as Airs. Partington enters.) 

Enter Mas. Partington {Right) — with a large broom. 

[She is tally gaunt, respectable, middle-aged, muscular, 
belligerent, with a gruff voice and determined manner. Cos- 
tume — that of a scrub woman.) 

Mrs. Partington: {Cejitre.) {To the audie^ice.) 

The Woman Movement must be stopped! 

I'm here to stop it. 
And Woman Suffrage must be dropped — 

I tell you, DROP IT! 
Though like the sea you fume and fret 
With my good broom, I'll stem you yet. 

{Looks arotuid the audie?ice — Sweeps — ) 
Fie on your brazen faces — 
You suffragettes may fume and frown, 
But if you rise, I'll put you down 
And keep you in your places. 

{Braiidishes the broom,.) 

Mrs. Grundy: {Crosses to Mrs. P.) Dear Mrs. 

Partington, I am glad to meet such a womanly 

woman. In this violent age of unsexed females it is 

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a pleasure to see a gentle creature like yourself who 
believes in quiet lady-like methods. 

Auctioneer: Ladies, really the rummage sale 
must go on. {^Centre between them.') If you insist on 
remaining, I shall have to auction you off as curios. 

{Seizing the auctioneer' s hammer from the table.) 

{Front.) We have for sale two very valuable 
pieces of antique furniture — slightly shop-worn and 
somewhat moth-eaten, to be sold to-day at greatly 
reduced prices. 

{From behind the right scenes are heard shouts.) 

I protest! Shame! Stop! Stop! 

{Mrs. Grundy and Mrs. Parting to7i look alarmed 
and withdraw to one side, back to left.) 

Auctioneer : Oh ! What is that ? Did any one 
speak ? 

Enter Mad Hatter — {Costume as described in Alice 
in Wonderland.) 

Mad Hatter: {Rushing on the stage.) Yes, I 
spoke, and I intend to go on speaking. It's my 
business to speak and women should listen respect- 
fully. W^oman's place is in the Home. She should 
stay there and attend to her children. Her domestic 
duties should occupy her entire attention. No matter 
what calamities befall the nation, like Werther's 
Charlotte she should go on cutting bread and butter. 

Auctioneer : Is that a slice of bread and butter 
I see in your hand? 

Mad Hatter : Yes; and it's the best butter. 

Auctioneer: {To audience .) Ladies and gentle- 
men, permit me to introduce that celebrated character — 
the Mad Hatter. 

Mad Hatter : ( Tosses the bread and butter into 
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wings, takes off hat, makes low bow.) {Oratorically .) 
I have come here this afternoon to represent the silent 
woman. 

Auctioneer : The silent woman? I don't know 
the lady. 

Mad Hatter: {Vociferating.) Of course, you 
don't know her— none of your friends are silent. 
Suffragettes talk all the time. I represent women 
like Mrs. Grundy and Mrs. Partington— the quiet 
stay-at-home kind that never appear in public. 

Auctioneer : They seem to be here, and this is 
a public meeting. 

Mad Hatter : {Not paying the slightest attention.) 
There is nothing so horrid, so disheartening to a 
manly man Uke me as th£ sight of a female on a pub- 
lic platform. Shocking! Real women are domestic, 
demure and reticent. As for speaking in public, Mrs. 
Grundy and Mrs. Partington would rather die than do 
such a brazen deed. 

Auctioneer : Mrs. Grundy and Mrs. Partington 
are both present. {Mad Hatter much embarrassed 
crosses Right.) {Mrs. G. and Mrs. P. look displeased 
and haughty.) And both ladies have put aside their 
reticence and favored us with a speech. 

Mad Hatter : They had to do it. Their sense 
of duty compelled them to speak. The Anti's are 
obliged to talk all the time in order to keep the other 
women quiet. 

Mrs. Grundy: {Mrs. G. and Mrs. P. bow and 
smile, cross Right to Mad Hatter.) The Anti-suf- 
fragists are like Thomas Carlyle— we preach the vir- 
tues of silence — in forty volumes. 

Mrs. Partington : We do not wish to appear in 
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public. I speak for all good housekeepers when I say 
we would rather remain in the Home. 

Mad Hatter : The Anti-suffragist never leaves 
her home. She never goes to the theatre, or the 
opera, or concerts, or lectures, or bridge-whist parties. 
No, never! Nor luncheons, nor dinners, nor suppers, 
nor teas, nor bargain counters, nor white goods sales. 
She remains in the Home hermetically sealed there 
like a fly in amber. 

Mrs. Partington : {^Fanning herself with her 
broom?) {In a sepulchral tone .) Woman's place is in 
the Home. 

Mrs. Grundy, Mrs. Partington and Mad 
Hatter in chorus : Forever in the Home. 

Auctioneer : Then all the hundreds and thou- 
sands of women whom we meet in the theatres, the 
opera, the department stores, the railroad stations, the 
streets and the churches — are they all Suffragists? 

Mad Hatter : Every one of them. 

Auctioneer : How the cause is growing! {drosses 
Right to Mad Hatter, very close to him, looking into his 
eyes?) Don't you think that all nations will soon 
grant their women the franchise ? 

Mad Hatter: If Woman Suffrage were adopted, 
it would bring about — it would bring about — the 
down-fall of civilization. {Auctioneer backs toward lejt, 
Mad Hatter follozas,) It would take us— it would take 
us — straight back to the caves of our primeval an- 
cestors. {Auctioneer backs to a chair, Left, falls into it 
exhausted?) 

Mrs. Grundy: {Right.) {Loftily.) I would 
have you know ??ty ancestors were too aristocratic to 
live in caves The very first one of them was born in 
a palace. That's why I don't want the ballot. Women 



of wealth and social position can get along very com- 
fortably without it. I don't want it myself, and I 
don't intend other women to have it. 

Mrs. Partington: {Centre.) No good house- 
keeper wants it. I would rather scrub the floors for- 
ever than undertake the heavy and burdensome task 
of voting once a year. 

Mrs. Grundy : Mrs. Partington, you are the 
greatest living authority on house-cleaning, and I 
would like to inquire, do you approve of this nasty 
new-fangled Vacuum Cleaner? 

Mrs. Partington : No, madam. Like Nature, 
I abhor a vacuum. With my broom I scour the seas 
and sweep away modern inventions. 

Mrs. Grundy : The restless women who want to 
gad abroad claim that a Vacuum Cleaner would save 
them time and trouble. 

Mad Hatter: {Left.) A mere pretext to escape 
their Home duties. What's their time worth ? I agree 
with the farmer who was asked to buy an incubator 
because it would save the hens so much trouble. 
"Pshaw!" said the farmer, "what's a hen's time worth 
anyhow?" That's what I say about the women. Let 
them go on toiling and moiling — scrubbing and sweep- 
ing — in the good old-fashioned way. 

Mrs. Grundy: {Approvingly.) As their great- 
grandmothers did before them. 

Mrs. Partington : We want no change. 

Mrs. Grundy : We need no vote. 

Mrs. Partington : We have all the rights we 
want. 

Mrs. Grundy : With the immortal poet, Alex- 
ander Pope, we say, "Whatever is, is right." Con- 
servatism—that is the key-note of the Anti-suffrage 
movement. 

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Mrs. Partington : But it is not a movement. 
It is a concerted and organized effort to stop move- 
ments — to sweep back movements. {Sweeps furiously .) 

Mrs. Grundy: {Right.) Our mission is to make 
these restless, modern women cultivate repose of 
manner and true decorum — to teach them how to say, 
"Prunes and Prisms" — how to sit — {Sits) — and 
how to rise gracefully — {Rises) — how to receive a 
gentleman visitor — {Greets the Mad Hatter who skips 
across the stage to bow and scrape before her) — how to 
tread a minuet — {Dances a few steps with the Mad 
Hatter as partner) — {Mrs. Partington beats time with 
her broom) — how to manage a fan bewitchingly and 
how to attract men — That is more important than to 
vote. And of course, no woman can do both. {Co- 
quettes with antiquated graces.) 

{ The Mad Hatter becomes very gallant. Takes her 
hand^ slips his arm, around her waist a?id chucks her 
gently under the chin. Mrs. Partiyigton shows signs of 
impatience and disapproval. ) 

Mrs. Grundy : But we old-fashioned women 
know how to repel a forward suitor whose attentions 
are too pressing. {Repulses the Mad Hatter, who falls 
on the floor. Mrs. Partington comes forward clearing 
her throat. { Centre fro7it. ) 

Mad Hattkr : {From the floor.) One of the 
"silent women" wishes to speak again. 

Mrs. Partington : Man is always Woman's 
superior. No matter what position he occupies, 
Woman should look up to Man and treat him respect- 
fully. {Plants her foot firmly on the prostrate form of 
the Mad Hatter.) Women can not vote because they 
can not fight. 

Mad Hattkr : {Jumping to his feet and almost 
upsetting Mrs. P.) Can not fight? But what about 

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Mollie Pitcher in the Revolutionary War, who manned 
her husband's gun? 

Mrs. Partington: {Angrily.) Women can not 
fight. 

Mad Hatter : Well, of course, ladies, I am an 
Anti-suffragist. In my capacity of Mad Hatter {rolls 
his eyes and laps his forehead) I couldn't be anything 
else ; but I must take exception to the physical force 
argument. {To Mrs. Grundy.) Think of the Maid 
of Saragossa ! Think of Joan of Arc ! Think of 
Boadicea and the Amazons! Just think! 

Mrs. Grundy: {Wilh intense concentration.) I 
won't think! And you can't make me think! If I 
thought, I wouldn't be an Anti-suffragist. But I 
know that Woman's place is not on the battle-field. 

Mad Hatter : What about Clara Barton and 
Florence Nightingale? 

Mrs. Partington: {Threate?ii?ig him with her 
broom.) women can not fight! We are too weak, 
I tell you! (Mad Hatter: Weak? Ha! Ha!) 
Woman's strength is her weakness. We are miserable 
timid things. We are not strong enough to force our 
way to the polls. {Chases him arou?id the table.) 
We can't defend our vote. Ballots and bullets go 
together. I am a poor, weak woman, and I need 
protection. How dare you say that women can fight ? 
It is a libel on the sex. Women can not vote because 
they can not fight. {Beats him with her broom.) I am 
now using the physical force argument. 

Mad Hatter : Yes, madam, I feel the force of 
your arguments. I assure you that they make a deep 
impression on me. {Rubbing his shoulder. Gets the 
broom away from her. Holding up the broom ^ With 
this domestic implement you have conquered me. 
{Front.) {Apostrophizing the broom.) Ah, broom! 



FEB 10 1913 



Symbol of Domesticity ! How well you grace a 
woman's frail and trembling hand! {Mrs. Partington 
shakes her fist at hini.^ How much better you look 
clutched in the female paw than that monstrosity, the 
ballot! Ah! Ladies, promise me that your lily-white 
fingers will never be contaminated by sordid contact 
with politics. {Murmurs of " We promise'' from Mrs. 
Partington and Mrs. Grmtdy.) {In a sermonizitig 
voice to the Auctioneer.) If the housewives of this city, 
instead of clamoring for that vain bauble, the ballot, 
would only grasp the broom and go out into the 
streets and sweep, and sweep, like our friend, Mrs. 
Partington, how soon the streets would be nice and 
clean, in spite of politics and politicians. 

Auctioneer: {Taki?ig the centre of the stage.') 
Suffragists think the vote in the hands of women 
would be a broom with which we could make a clean 
sweep — not only of the streets, but of all unclean 
things. Therefore, the last thing I have to offer you 
to-day is the most precious of all — the ballot. {Hold- 
ing up a sample ballot.) Look on it with hope, for 
Heaven willing, it will soon be yours. Look on it 
with reverence, for it is the symbol of power. When 
it comes to you, may you use it well; but before it 
will come to you, you must be willing to bid for it, 
and bid high. Not only money must you bid, but 
courage, and devotion, and self-sacrifice. You must 
be ready to contribute your youth, your charm, your 
ability, your name, your personality and your heart. 
And I will ask those who are ready to lay this great 
price on the altar of their country to give their assent 
by a rising vote. 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



III 

015 793 212 3 



